DECENT CANDLES :: THEYRE PRETTY FUCKING DECENT
PUMPKIN FUCKER
PUMPKIN
CARROT
BROWN SUGAR
$24.99
16 OUNCES
THE EXPERIENCE
ITS THE NIGHT BEFORE HALLOWEEN AND ALL YOU WANNA DO IS CARVE A JACK-O'-LANTERN. YOU SIT DOWN AT THE TABLE TO START CARVING AND THEN YOU NOTICE IT; THIS PUMPKIN ALREADY HAS A HOLE. A SWEET, TIGHT, PERFECTLY DICK-SIZED HOLE RIGHT IN THE CENTER. IS IT A PUSSY? AN ASS? A MOUTH? NO, ITS ALL THREE AT THE SAME TIME. BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOUR PANTS ARE DOWN AROUND YOUR ANKLES AND YOUR DICK IS WEARING THAT PUMPKIN LIKE ITS THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN. YOURE GETTING UP IN THAT PUMPKIN'S GUTS, GRABBING THE STEM LIKE A SADDLE HORN. FOR A MOMENT, YOU CAN HEAR APPLAUSE, BUT THEN YOU REALIZE ITS JUST THE SOUND OF YOUR BALLBAG SLAPPING AGAINST THE RIND. THIS MUST BE EXACTLY HOW TIM BURTON FEELS EVERY NIGHT. YOURE ABOUT TO FILL THIS SLUTTY PUMPKIN WITH A DIFFERENT KIND OF SEED. AS SOON AS YOU FINISH, THE PUMPKIN DISAPPEARS. SOME SAY IT REAPPEARS EVERY HALLOWEEN EVE TO THE PERSON WHO NEEDS IT THE MOST. SO THEY CAN FUCK IT.
WHAT IT SMELLS LIKE
- GETTING YOUR DICK SUCKED BY THE GREAT PUMPKIN WHILE CHARLIE BROWN WATCHES LIKE A CUCK
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, YOU CHEAP FUCK?
IN STOCK - ITS NOW OR NEVER, FUCKFACE
CHECK AGAIN FUCKFACE
THERE ISN'T SHIT IN YOUR CART. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO DO? ADD SHIT IF YOU WANT TO OPEN THE CART. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO USE A CART? DO YOU LIVE UNDER A FUCKING ROCK?
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