DECENT CANDLES :: THEYRE PRETTY FUCKING DECENT
ARE YOU CONFUSED, YOU DUMMY?
YOU HELPLESS MOUTHBREATHERS MIGHT NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, SO WE MADE THIS FORM JUST FOR YOU. SEND US YOUR POINTLESS QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS AND WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU WHENEVER WE FEEL LIKE IT. IN THE MEAN TIME, YOU CAN GO PULL YOUR BALLSACK OVER YOUR OWN HEAD LIKE A SWIMMING CAP.
YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS
TYPE YOUR SHIT HERE
I MISSED MY CHANCE TO BUY A CANDLE BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING SLOWPOLK. HOW OFTEN DO YOU RESTOCK? WE RESTOCK ONCE A WEEK, EVERY FRIDAY AFTERNOON. THEY SELL OUT PRETTY GOD DAMN FAST THOUGH, SO IF YOU WANT ONE, YOU BETTER BE QUICK AND NOT FUCKING DILLYDALLY.
DO I DESERVE THESE CANDLES? NO. BUT YOU CAN BUY ONE ANYWAYS.
ARE THEY SKIN SAFE? WE DO NOT RECOMMEND POURING THE HOT WAX ON YOURSELF OR OTHER PEOPLE. THIS INCLUDES YOUR NIPPLES, DICKLIPS, PUSSY, BALLS, ASSHOLE, BETWEEN YOUR PUSSY FOLDS, IN YOUR MOUTH, OR ANYWHERE ELSE.
WHY DO I NEED THESE? EVERYONE HAS SMELLS THEY DON'T WANT PEOPLE SMELLING. MAYBE YOU'RE A DIRTY LITTLE STONER FUCK WHO SMOKES WEED ALL DAY. MAYBE YOU SPENT ALL NIGHT EATING A SLOPPY PUSSY OR SUCKING ON A BIG, GREASY COCK. NO ONE WANTS TO SMELL THAT SHIT. BUY THE FUCKING CANDLE.
HOW ARE THEY SHIPPED? EVERY ORDER IS SHIPPED IN A SHITTY, CHEAP CARDBOARD BOX. WE TAPE THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF IT AND WRAP THE LITTLE CUNT IN A DICKLOAD OF BUBBLE WRAP.
CAN I RETURN MY CANDLE? HARD NO. DUMB FUCKING QUESTION. IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR PURCHASE THEN YOU CAN JUST GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU DON'T DESERVE THE CANDLE OR THE MONEY YOU SPENT ON IT. GO EAT A BOWL OF MELTY DOG SHIT.
CHECK AGAIN FUCKFACE
THERE ISN'T SHIT IN YOUR CART. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO DO? ADD SHIT IF YOU WANT TO OPEN THE CART. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO USE A CART? DO YOU LIVE UNDER A FUCKING ROCK?
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