DECENT CANDLES :: THEYRE PRETTY FUCKING DECENT
GOLDEN SHOWERS
LEMON
RAINWATER
FRESH TOWELS
$24.99
16 OUNCES
THE EXPERIENCE
YOU'RE SITTING ON A PILE OF FRESH, CLEAN TOWELS IN A NICE HOTEL ROOM. THE WALLS ARE LINED IN THICK SHEETS OF PLASTIC LIKE ONE OF DEXTER'S KILL ROOMS. A LADY WALKS IN, DRINKING A BOTTLE OF PERRIER AND BITING INTO A LEMON LIKE AN APPLE. THIS LADY HAS NEVER EATEN A PIECE OF ASPARAGUS IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. IN FACT, SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK ASPARAGUS IS. SHE SQUATS DOWN BEHIND AN OSCILLATING FAN AND BLASTS A SOLID, HIGH PRESSURE STREAM INTO THE SPINNING BLADES. YOU'RE HIT WITH A GIANT CLOUD OF PISSVAPOR, LIKE ONE OF THOSE MISTERS AT DISNEY WORLD IN THE SUMMERTIME. YOU LAY THERE, SINKING INTO THE GIANT PISS SPONGE OF TOWELS. THE EUPHORIA IS OVERWHELMING. YOU'RE A PATHETIC LITTLE PISSBOY AND YOU'VE FINALLY FULFILLED YOUR DREAM OF BEING A HUMAN DIAPER. A SUDDEN KNOCK ON THE DOOR BRINGS YOU BACK TO REALITY. IT'S HOUSEKEEPING ASKING IF YOU NEED MORE TOWELS. YOU LOOK OVER AT THE LEMON LADY AND SHE'S SHOTGUNNING A HORSE DICK SIZED BOTTLE OF SMARTWATER. YOU SHOUT BACK TO THE DOOR, "KEEP THEM COMING".
WHAT IT SMELLS LIKE
- STUFFING A LEMONHEAD DOWN YOUR DICKHOLE LIKE YOU'RE LOADING A MUSKET
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, YOU CHEAP FUCK?
IN STOCK - ITS NOW OR NEVER, FUCKFACE
CHECK AGAIN FUCKFACE
THERE ISN'T SHIT IN YOUR CART. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO DO? ADD SHIT IF YOU WANT TO OPEN THE CART. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO USE A CART? DO YOU LIVE UNDER A FUCKING ROCK?
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