YOU'RE DRIVING HOME FROM A LATE NIGHT AT WORK WHEN SUDDENLY IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE GAVE YOU AN ENEMA FULL OF BEES. YOU NEED TO FIND A BATHROOM, FAST, BECAUSE THE ARBY'S BEEF AND CHEDDAR YOU ATE FOR DINNER IS ABOUT TO START PLAYING 50 SHADES OF GRAY WITH YOUR ASSHOLE. YOU PULL INTO A POORLY LIT, SKETCHING LOOKING GAS STATION. YOU BEGIN POWER WALKING TO THE BATHROOM, CLENCHING YOUR SPHINCTER WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT. THE AMOUNT OF PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE IT'S TAKING FOR YOU NOT TO SHIT YOUR PANTS WITH EACH STEP WOULD MAKE DAVID BLAINE LOOK LIKE AN AMATURE. YOU FIND AN EMPTY STALL. THE MOMENT YOU SIT DOWN, YOUR ENTIRE SOUL EMPTIES FROM YOUR BUTTHOLE WITH ENOUGH FORCE TO LIFT YOUR FEET A FEW INCHES FROM THE GROUND. BY THE TIME YOU'RE DONE, IT LOOKS LIKE MICHAEL JORDAN SLAM DUNKED A BUCKET OF CHOCOLATE PUDDING INTO THE TOILET. YOU TAKE A MOMENT TO REGAIN YOUR COMPOSURE. WHILE SITTING IN SILENCE, REFLECTING (AND CRYING A LITTLE), YOU HEAR THE FAINT SOUND OF VOICES IN THE DISTANCE. THEY SEEM TO BE COMING FROM A CRUDELY MADE HOLE IN THE WALL. YEARS OF PORN ADDICTION HAVE ROTTED YOUR BRAIN, SO WITHOUT ANY THOUGHT, YOU WHIP OUT YOUR DONG AND POP IT INTO THE HOLE. YOU STAND THERE, DANGLING YOUR LITTLE DICK LIKE A WORM WAITING FOR A BITE. A FEW SECONDS GO BY AND NOTHING HAPPENS. MINUTES LATER, STILL NOTHING. YOU GIVE A FRIENDLY KNOCK. THE HOLE STARTS SUCKING, HARD; TOO HARD. IT PULLS YOU IN BY THE DICK AND VIOLENTLY SPITS YOU OUT THROUGH THE OTHER SIDE; NAKED. YOU CRASH DOWN FROM THE SKY ONTO A LONG TABLE IN THE MIDDLE OF WHAT APPEARS TO BE SOME KIND OF SEXY GARDEN. A SHORT GUY IN A TOP HAT IS STANDING ON THE TABLE WITH YOU, REPEATEDLY DUNKING HIS BALLBAG INTO A SCOLDING HOT CUP OF WATER. SURROUNDING THE TABLE ARE VARIOUS CREEPY, ANTHROPOMORPHIC ANIMALS, FEVERISHLY WAITING FOR THE NEXT CUP. HE SLIDES ONE YOUR WAY, STILL STEAMING. EVERYONE LAPS UP THEIR DRINKS. IT TASTES LIKE WARM VINEGAR, BUT THE WAVE OF EUPHORIA WASHING OVER YOU MAKES THE FLAVOR SEEM PLEASANT. MOMENTS LATER, THE ENTIRE TEA PARTY ERUPTS INTO A DRUG-FUELED ORGY. MICE ARE BLOWING EACH OTHER. A CAT IS WATCHING WHILE LICKING HIS OWN BALLS. A TOAD STRAIGHTENS OUT A FLAMINGO AND JAMS IT UP A RABBIT'S ANUS. YOU'RE OLD FASHIONED AND THIS IS ALL A LITTLE TOO FAST PACED, SO YOU SPEND HALF AN HOUR IN THE BUSHES POUNDING OFF WITH A WALRUS. WHEN YOU BOTH FINISH UP, YOU SHAKE HANDS AND WALK BACK TO REJOIN THE GROUP. ON YOUR WAY, YOU TRIP OVER A DICK SHAPED LOG AND FALL. THE GROUND OPENS UP AND SUCKS YOU INTO A DARK ABYSS. YOU SHOOT BACK OUT OF THE HOLE YOU CAME IN FROM, BUT IT'S NOT A BATHROOM ANYMORE, OR A GAS STATION FOR THAT MATTER. WHILE YOU WERE ONLY GONE FOR AN HOUR, 100 YEARS HAVE PASSED BACK HOME. YOU FALL IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EXPENSIVE, FIVE STAR RESTAURANT. YOU TRY TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU'RE STANDING THERE COMPLETELY NAKED, BUT YOU JUST SOUND INSANE. EVERYONE COLLECTIVELY LAUGHS YOU OUT INTO THE STREETS. YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOUR DAYS TRYING TO GET BACK TO THE MAGICAL LAND YOU VISITED. YOU SEARCH COUNTLESS SHADY, RUN DOWN BATHROOMS FOR ANOTHER HOLE, BUT EVERYTIME YOU FIND ONE AND TRY TO PEER INSIDE, SOMEONE POKES YOU IN THE EYE WITH THEIR DICK.
