IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT. YOU'RE AT A MID-TIER, CASUAL DINING RESTAURANT (LIKE A FUCKING CHILI'S OR SOMETHING). YOUR TINDER DATE IS SITTING ACROSS FROM YOU, NERVOUSLY SIPPING ON A GLASS OF WATER. SHE HASN'T TOUCHED HER FAJITAS OR EATEN A SINGLE BUFFALO WING FROM THE SAMPLER PLATTER YOU ORDERED AS AN APPETIZER. SHE SEEMS UNCOMFORTABLE, AND NOT JUST BECAUSE SHE ISN'T EATING. SHE'S ALSO BEEN FIDGETING AROUND IN HER CHAIR SINCE SHE SAT DOWN. YOU ASK HER IF SHE'S OKAY AND SHE RESPONDS BY TELLING YOU FOR THE THIRD TIME TONIGHT HOW SHE'S NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS. YOU STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS. SHE SAYS IT WOULD BE EASIER TO SHOW YOU, BUT NOT HERE; SOMEWHERE PRIVATE. YOU DECIDE TO LEAVE BEFORE THE WAITER COMES BACK. THERE'S NO TIME TO WASTE. ALSO, EVER SINCE HE POINTED OUT THAT YOUR COUPONS WERE EXPIRED, YOU REALIZED YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY THE FUCKING BILL ANYWAYS. YOU GET TO HER HOUSE AND SHE LEADS YOU STRAIGHT TO THE BEDROOM. IN ONE QUICK MOTION, SHE RIPS OFF THE BREAKAWAY PANTS YOU DIDN'T REALIZE SHE HAD BEEN WEARING. AS SHE STANDS THERE, ASS OUT, YOU FALL TO YOUR KNEES AND YOUR EARS START TO RING. ALL OF THE BLOOD IN YOUR BODY HAS RUSHED TO YOUR TINY DICK. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS NOW. YOU ARE A WORTHLESS SIMP. YOU WOULD HAPPILY SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE INHALING HER FARTS THROUGH SOME KIND OF BANE STYLE BREATHING APPARATUS. SHE TURNS AROUND AND THEN YOU SEE IT. SHE HAS A TAIL. BUT THEN YOU SQUINT YOUR EYES AND REALIZE YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT. IT'S JUST A SHORT LENGTH OF ANAL BEADS. SHE ASKS YOU TO RIP THEM OUT LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO START AN OLD GENERATOR. YOU PULL AS HARD AS YOU CAN, THEN YOU FEEL A SUDDEN, POWERFUL YANK. YOU SPEND THE NEXT HOUR PLAYING TUG-OF-WAR WITH HER SPHINCTER. IT'S THE MOST FUN YOU'VE EVER HAD IN YOUR ENTIRE MISERABLE EXISTENCE. IF THIS IS THE WRONG HOLE, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT. YOU'RE AT THE HEIGHT OF YOUR EXCITEMENT, THINKING THAT NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY MAKE THIS NIGHT ANY BETTER. THEN SHE HANDS YOU A PADDLE AND SIGNALS FOR YOU TO STAND BACK. WITHOUT WARNING, SHE STARTS BLASTING PING-PONG BALLS OUT OF HER ANUS LIKE A HUMAN PITCHING MACHINE. YOU'RE FIGHTING BACK TEARS OF PURE JOY AS YOU SWAT AWAY BALL AFTER BALL. YOU'RE LAUGHING LIKE A CHILD. YOU NEVER WANT THIS NIGHT TO END. IT'S NOT ENOUGH. YOU NEED MORE. YOU DIVE HEADFIRST INTO HER BUTTCHEEKS, CRAWLING INTO HER HOLE LIKE YOU'RE ANDY DEFRAINSE ESCAPING FROM SHAWSHANK PRISON. IT GETS DARKER AND QUIETER THE FURTHER IN YOU GO. THE LAST BIT OF LIGHT FADES AS HER BUTTHOLE SNAPS SHUT. YOU SMILE TO YOURSELF AS YOU ARE SLOWLY ENVELOPED BY THE DARKNESS. THE ONLY THING YOU CAN HEAR IS THE SOUND OF YOUR OWN HEART BEATING. THIS IS WHERE YOU BELONG. YOU ARE COMPLETE.
